An excerpt from the Essay:
MODERN PRIMITIV: MAN OR MYTH?

(as published in the Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society Scientific Journal, 1912)

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​...Inter-Galactic Sheepherder and Anti-Social Activist who likes to bang pots and pans together in a semblance of what the humans call "music"..

Born hundreds of years ago, Frito Zanzibar is the only true hope for lasting peace in these troubled times we live in. 

Is he animal, plant , mineral, or digital? 
No one truly knows for sure.

Frito sails around international waters aboard his luxury steamliner made entirely of coconuts, making music and fighting pirates.

Obsessed with finding a potato chip shaped like Ernest Borgnine, Frito was once driven to edge of extinction due to his luxurious mane and the fact his testicles are highly sought after in certain Asian countries where they are believed to be an aphrodisiac.

Frito Zanzibar is the inventor of chocolate covered pillow cases. Very popular among overweight individuals who suffer from narcolepsy.

Listening to Modern Primitiv is like a wine tasting event, except with more nudity, giant robots, and everclear instead of wine.  

Moments before his 3rd death, Frito listened to some trap music and changed his name to Apple Juice Killa, and sold oregano to his homies. He was then hit by a runaway platypus and killed instantly an hour later. It was eventually deciphered by a team of the world's foremost scientists that much of the music was designed to be listened to while sippin’ cough syrup, spitting game and slanging hash. boo-ya-kah-shaw.

LIKES:
Puppies, Kittens, Long walks on the beach

DISLIKES:
Long walks on the beach with land mines.